I shaved for this??

There is a series of commercials that run a lot lately on networks that tend to get a big single male viewership in the wee hours of the morning. It is the most obvious, brilliant use of marketing to date; run Match.com ads during Robot Chicken from 11 pm to 3 am. Single men sitting on the sofa see footage of an actual date going swimmingly, with the tag line that now 1 in 5 relationships start on a dating website.

All I can think is “I'd love to see the footage from the other four...”

These websites are the penultimate point to the zenith of online dating. The only thing missing is to have your date hit the mail box 3-5 days after you click 'send'. If you end up not liking it, just turn it back in and order another. Out in the real world, it seems men and women both are having way too many dating experiences that make them wonder why they got cleaned up in the first place. With this, you don't even have to leave the house until you meet for coffee.

One morning this past weekend in the middle of Robot Chicken, I was browsing through a site that was not Match.com, but a flimsy and free knock off.

What? Quit looking at me like that.

I thought what the hell, if nothing else there will be a little correspondence. Who knows. Anyway, I ran across the profile of an acquaintance of mine. It was really well written. And in case you didn't know, poor spelling and grammar is the online equivalent of approaching someone with your fly down and toilet paper hung up in your belt. Hers breathed more like a book than a screen. Great pictures...those one-of-a-kind candid shots that put you in mind of a 60's beach vacation. Moments that would make a man say “yeah, I remember that day”. She's confident and relaxed. Poised and present.

I scrolled through a couple other profiles and they were exactly what you'd expect to see on a free site; I think the words I'm after are “a hot mess”. These are the people who have given up on Match.com, fer crissakes. Evidently bad grammar and punctuation are not gender specific...it's like a dead tooth in an otherwise pretty smile. The pictures were everything you'd see on a college girl's refrigerator to mug shots. Quick tip ladies, if you can field dress the deer you've just shot, I'll take your word for it. And another thing, don't post a picture with a strand of Walleye the length of your boat. The guy you're after doesn't want to be out-fished by his girlfriend. Unless of course you have a nice, big boat. Some were pretty good, but just like fishing you have to be patient to catch the good ones.

She's out of place here and it's clear as a bell, the reason why. She's a woman amongst girls. So few will understand her nuance, too many are intimidated by the photographs. In 8 or 10 years, her son will start bringing girls around and they're gonna say “holy shit, your mom is hot.”